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In anticipation of winter weather, area drivers practice careening out of control

SEATTLE — With a blistering La Niña winter just weeks away, a sizable portion of Puget Sound drivers took to the road and honed their skill in colliding with various roadside objects.

“When the first snowflake falls this winter, I don’t want to have any problems jumping a sidewalk and sliding 30 feet on my side,” said driver Robin Marcowitz, adding that any pedestrians had better leap for their lives when they see her coming.

Other drivers shared similar sentiments.

“I’ve already toppled three stop signs over. I think I’m more than ready to drive absurdly bad as soon as the weather turns,” shared John Schmidt.

At press time, no less than twenty-six vehicles were piled up near the I-5/I-405 interchange in an elaborate, coordinated rehearsal of winter driving ineptitude.