Press "Enter" to skip to content

Aspiring Teen Driver Hopes To Squander Precious Time In Commuter Traffic One Day

EVERETT, Wash. — Driving along the busy I-5 corridor between Everett and Seattle for the first time, aspiring teen driver Jeremy Russel hoped Thursday to one day squander his precious time by slogging through commuter traffic each day.

“As long as I can remember, all I’ve ever wanted was take away valuable time from my future family by plodding to my downtown office through rush-hour traffic,” said Russel, adding that he’s dreamed for years of screaming at other drivers, suffocating on noxious exhaust fumes, and seeing every lane he isn’t in move faster than his own.

“I’m especially looking forward to seeing my exit-only lane blocked time and time again by rude, self-entitled drivers hoping to cut into traffic ahead of me.”

At publishing time, Russel, still amazed at the horde of cars stretching out on the highway before him, was reportedly daydreaming of his first fender bender and subsequent tow truck ride.

Mission News Theme by Compete Themes.