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Businesses to public: Real hotcakes are vile, so please stop saying our things sell like them

SEATTLE – Businesses across the city stressed to the public that the much-used phrase, “selling like hotcakes”, should no longer be used to describe popular products that are disappearing in irreplaceable quantities.

Belltown clothing store owner Joseph Garland, speaking as a representative for most of the city’s businesses, explained, “Despite claims to the contrary, hotcakes are not what most would consider yummy, modern-day pancakes.”

Instead, he says, true hotcakes were an early 19th-century lump of cornmeal cooked in bear or pig lard.

The idiom’s near universal acceptance in public speech presents a difficulty for businesses wishing to portray their products in a positive way.

“We would appreciate if our products were not compared to some disgusting concoction that’s fried up in bear fat. Really, it’s just plain wretched,” Garland said.

“If Easy Bake and Duck Dynasty had a child, it would be a 19th-century hotcake. Please stop,” he added.

What’s more, according to business owners, the idiom doesn’t make sense when correctly understood.

“Nobody in their right mind would buy one of these. So, the phrase should really mean, ‘selling terribly or not at all’. We wouldn’t want our products described that way either, though,” explained Garland.

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