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Clueless, Famished Bachelor Boils Water In Vain Attempt to Feed Himself

SHORELINE, Wash. — Having placed a six-inch steel pot full of water onto a vacant burner and turning its corresponding dial to “High”, ravenous but unthinking bachelor Jeremy Ross quickly found himself unable to determine what steps had to be performed next.

“Man, I’m a total loss for what to do now. When the water starts boiling, do I add the noodles or the sauce next? I just have no idea,” said the hopelessly inept Ross, as he bumbled around his apartment’s kitchen, searching for lettuce and croutons that required microwaving before consumption.

“This makes me really appreciate how hard Mom must’ve worked to feed us. Seriously, I bet she spent thousands over the years to secretly bring in take-out every night.”

At publishing time, Ross — still hungry and as much of a buffoon as ever — conceded defeat after seeing he’d inadvertently turned on the wrong burner.

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