KENT, Wash. — Hoping to spruce up his street’s curbside color palette with a bit of green and a dash of brown, Kent father of three, John Ham, carefully moved his family’s weathered Douglas Fir out of the house and on to the curb, expending considerable effort to position it for maximum aesthetic appeal.
“Man, I know this will be just the thing to bring a bit of cheer and color to our little corner of 246th and 131st,” said Ham as he circled the horizontal tree, gently fluffing branches that had become pushed in and tangled during the move from the Hams’ living room.
“It’s sad that more people don’t do this sort of thing anymore. I remember a simpler time when dead trees practically lined the streets around here. What a shame.”
At press time, Ham had also gussied up the compost bin by painstakingly setting a crumbling Christmas wreathe, missing more than a third of its needles, inside of it.