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Evergreen Professor Exposed As Conservative After Being Seen Driving Massive, Mud-Splattered Four-By-Four

An Evergreen State College professor found himself exposed as a political conservative after he was seen leaving campus in a huge, mud-splattered, diesel-fueled pickup truck Wednesday.

Several students reportedly saw Dr. John Greene behind the wheel of his monstrous Dodge Ram, which was painted jet-black and equipped with meaty Nitto Terra Grappler all-terrain tires, as he exited the main parking area. The high-pitched whine of a turbocharged diesel engine could be heard through the plumes of choking smoke billowing from the truck’s dual stovepipe exhaust system.

“It was horrendous,” said one student. “I mean, I always suspected something was off with this guy, but now, after seeing what he drives, there’s no doubt about it. He’s a political conservative, through and through.”

“And there it was — just completely plastered in mud. Like he had been ‘four bying’ with a bunch of Georgia rednecks. Completely disgusting,” said another flummoxed onlooker.

Greene normally commutes to campus in a late model Honda Accord, but college students and staff began to catch a whiff of conservative ideology last year after Greene revealed that his Accord wasn’t a gas-electric hybrid, but rather a base LX edition, equipped with a standard gasoline engine.

“We should’ve known something was not quite right with him. The fact that his primary vehicle didn’t either plug in or even at the very least use hybrid technology was very concerning to us,” said a spokesman for the college.

When Greene’s non-hybrid Accord was reportedly involved in a minor accident last week, he gingerly took it in to the shop for repairs. That’s when he was forced to bring his other vehicle to the school.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he goes home and plants a reverent kiss on a gold-plated effigy of Donald Trump. Then he probably turns and salutes the Confederate flag, before putting the final touches on a giant cross he and his bed sheet wearing friends are going to torch in someone’s front yard,” said professor of English, Dr. Megan Frank.

Several students, upon seeing Greene’s menacing vehicle depart from sight Wednesday afternoon, wondered how the man could possibly sleep at night.

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