MUKILTEO, Wash. — Without even the slightest concern for the appetites of several horrified onlookers also gathered in the room, family glutton David Millworth reportedly stuffed piece after piece of pumpkin pie into his gaping, black hole like mouth.
“Man, I haven’t had anything this wonderful in ages,” said the insatiable chowhound, in between reverberating lip smacks and sickening open-mouth chewing noises.
The ravenous, ever-eating automaton explained that “good food, and lots of it” has him returning to the family Christmas party every single year.
“It’s so nice that someone, knowing that I actually RSVP’d for our family Christmas party this time, made this entire pie and three identical versions of it just for me.”
Sources indicate that the voracious gourmand, tossing caution to the wind and undoing his belt entirely, had begun grabbing fistfuls of the Millworth’s special coleslaw just as the rest of the family scrambled into other parts of the house.