SEATTLE — Interpreting results from a three year study, UW Medicine researchers revealed Wednesday that the key to a burgeoning holiday season wasteline lies in a disciplined regimen of sugary treats coupled with as many sedentary activities as possible.
“This study allowed us to confirm what we already suspected: that it takes a lot of work to maintain those extra holiday season pounds,” said head researcher Dr. Michael Sherry during a presentation on the group’s findings.
Sherry explained that while even small amounts of exertion could undo weeks of hard work, measures could be taken to minimize this danger.
“For example, instead of reaching for that next carton of eggnog yourself, have someone else get it out of the fridge for you. This allows you to reap sugary benefits of the eggnog without burning the necessary calories to acquire it,” he suggested.
The research group urged a bit of caution however, noting that changes to a person’s figure may not be immediately perceptible, but would happen gradually over the course of several meals.
“Consuming far more calories than necessary while remaining committed to as little movement as possible is no easy task. You just have to be patient.”
At press time, reports indicated health conscious consumers had already begun sweeping shelf-loads of sugary concoctions into their shopping carts.