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Socially backward birth certificate system
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IT Professionals Scramble To Update State’s Socially Backward Birth Certificate Software

OLYMPIA, Wash. — Citing an ardent desire to be “ahead of the curve” for when the state allows non-binary gender specification on birth certificates, feverish IT professionals are working around the clock to bring the state’s socially conservative birth certificate software into compliance with latest cultural norms.

“Seriously, this software platform is just a real freaking dinosaur,” lamented lead software developer Jesse Weathers, adding that the bigoted, hate-mongering coot is simply rife with transphobic computer code.

“These Bible-thumping systems can believe whatever they want to in private. Nobody has a problem with that. But when they show non-affirming popups with only two radio buttons for a person’s gender as opposed to three, that’s when it’s time to take action,” Weathers explained.

He went on to say that an early alpha release of the rebuilt software, in sharp contrast to the deprecated current system, pretty much just accepts whatever and calls it good.