BELLEVUE — With only two scant weeks of procrastinatory bliss lying between himself and a panicked, eleventh-hour gift search for a semi-casual work acquaintance, Jim Burke is reportedly feeling the pressure.
“I know I’m quickly I’m running out of time, but there’s no way I’m showing up to our Christmas party without at least one hasty gift for that guy I talked to at an all-staff meeting once,” Burke said in a statement to the press.
He explained that delaying any and all Christmas shopping for office mates until one hour before the office party starts is an annual holiday tradition for him.
“If he just knew how I plan to frenziedly scour the nearest gas station for that perfect gift under $1.99, it would really make his day,” he added.
Soon after speaking to reporters, Burke was reportedly seen eyeing the office supply room’s hot pink highlighters.