Thursday, November 15
Home>>Local>>Man Laments Small, Wasteful Plastic Tubes For Drinking While Removing Joint From Similarly Small And Wasteful Plastic Tube
Man Laments Small, Wasteful Plastic Tubes For Drinking While Removing Joint From Similarly Small And Wasteful Plastic Tube
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Man Laments Small, Wasteful Plastic Tubes For Drinking While Removing Joint From Similarly Small And Wasteful Plastic Tube

SEATTLE — Railing against what he calls one of the biggest outrages of our modern, excessive age, local man Jon Meirden denounced using small, wasteful plastic tubes for drinking as he simultaneously removed a single marijuana joint from a similarly small and wasteful plastic tube.

“These narrow polypropylene pipes take thousands of years to decompose and are simply devastating to our planet’s oceans and waterways,” he explained to reporters, pausing to gingerly open one end of his joint’s neon-green polypropylene casing before letting its contents slide out onto his palm.

Meirden expressed befuddlement as to why anybody would create a single-use plastic product that, while technically recyclable, is simply much more likely to end up floating around for eons after it’s washed out to sea.

“Good on Seattle for not allowing these undoubtedly lethal products to proliferate and find their way into local wildlife.”

While praising mounting efforts around the country to fight back against the plastic tube scourge, Meirden unceremoniously tossed his own cylindrical piece of plastic waste into the nearest trash can.