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Middle-Aged Woman Awakening To Own Mortality As She Scrolls Further And Further Down To Select Birth Year

TACOMA, Wash. — Noting that the process had brought ever increasing attention to her fleeting youth and waning strength, sources confirmed middle-aged woman Ruth Gillberg was awakening to her own mortality’s vaporous nature as she scrolled further and further through a website registration form’s list of available birth years.

“All these vertical scroll movements have taught me that I really need to go gluten-free and exercise more,” said Gillberg, conceding that previous realizations of fading vitality had failed to produce either of these effects.

“Knowing that I have to rotate my mouse’s wheel button this many times only strengthens my resolve to make every moment count. I mean, you just never know when your time is up.”

Some time later, a radiant Gillberg, fresh-faced and beaming from her newfound zeal for life, finally completed scrolling and selected the year of her birth — just in time for the website to display a session time-out message.

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