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Nervous, Sweating Man Wonders If Alien Abduction Excuse He’s Been Saving Will Hold Up

BELLEVUE — In an apparent last-ditch effort to explain away last Friday’s unexcused absence, a nervous and sweating Ken Phelps reportedly brought out his heavy hitting “alien abduction” explanation, all the while secretly wondering if it would stand up to scrutiny.

“Look, I know this is might seem like a real stretch, but, the truth is, I missed work Friday because I was traveling on the starship Xorbax,” said an emphatically apologetic Phelps, explaining that most of his weekend was subsequently spent in the underground gladiator pits of Xemu, taking part in the ruthless melee combat hosted there.

“It was all for a good cause, of course. At least 70% of the fight’s proceeds went to help the disabled space orphans living on Rizel VII. I’m not the kind of guy who misses work without a good reason.”

Reports indicate a slightly more confident Phelps then produced a hastily scribbled note written in some unknown dialect — purportedly from the Xorbax’s first officer — moments before finding himself on immediate administrative leave.

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