SEATTLE — Calling it their most anticipated product in years, Starbucks announced today that its new drink, which promises to knock your irritating coworkers out cold within mere moments of their first sip, would be sold immediately at all 13,000 plus U.S. locations.
“Tired of your coworker’s pointless stories about her dumb kids? Or your manager’s incessant nagging to get your work done on time? Then treat them to a Sedaccino and in just minutes, you’ll have several hours of the peace you so richly deserve,” said Tadd Bore, a spokesman for the company.
With a Venti-sized Starbucks cup in hand, the spokesman added that the Sedaccino even comes with a deceptive packaging option, so the person being given the drink won’t have any clue they will be losing consciousness for the remainder of their work shift.
“The Sedaccino is laced with a power tranquillizer, perfect for taking down even the most hyper and fast-talking of your annoying officemates.”
Bore went on to say that harried mothers with young children can soon expect relief too, with a child’s version of the beverage slated for release just as school gets out for summer.