Officials, students, and parents alike all breathed a collective sigh of relief after learning that a potential school shooter decided against taking murderous action the moment he came across a Gun Free Zone sign.
According to sources, the former student, previously turned away from Greenwood High School of Greenbow, Alabama for severe disciplinary problems, left with his AR-15 clutched in hand after learning that guns were strictly forbidden on the premises.
The potential shooter, according to alarmed witnesses, was heard saying to himself, “Man, I can’t go shoot this place up, as much as I want to. If they don’t allow guns here, then they don’t allow guns here. Just what the heck am I supposed to do, break the law?”
Shaking his head in open dismay and conceding defeat, he left school grounds a dejected mess, frustrated at his inability to carry out his plans.
“We put these signs up to protect our students from any and all bad people that are otherwise hellbent on harming our kids. Today they were put to the ultimate test, and we are thankful beyond words that they did their job,” said the school’s principal in a statement.
“You just expect schools to do everything possible to keep your kids safe. That means mounting signs known to be a proven deterrent to heavily armed, murderous psychopaths with an insatiable bloodlust for inflicting pain and misery on as many innocent people as possible,” said Alisha Marks, mother of a senior who attends the school.
The principal went on to say he hoped that the school would enjoy the same level of success with its new “Bully Free Zone” signs.