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RVN's Top New Years' Resolutions For 2018
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RVN’s Top New Years Resolutions For 2018

Well, we’ve finally made it. It’s 2018 now.

If you haven’t already decided on your list of resolutions, consider these, painstakingly selected by RVN staff!

  1. Finally quit smoking by going through so many packs that you eventually run out of money to buy more of them.
  2. Lower your stress level by filling your bathtub with water, letting it overflow, and then imagining your now-flooded bathroom is a soothing hot tub in a luxurious, tropical resort.
  3. Melt away those extra pounds by committing to as much sedentary activity as possible. Your phone may be mobile, but that doesn’t mean you have to be.
  4. Travel to an exotic location, such as that rural land parcel placarded with no trespassing signs.
  5. Take a ton of selfies with the less fortunate as you perform good deeds for them.
  6. You should really try getting to work on time for once. It’s a glorious thing that’ll save you from getting canned.
  7. Free yourself from credit card debt by opening several new cards to pay off your existing ones.
  8. Quit drinking as many times as you need to this new year.
  9. Learn something new from the questionably sourced news site that your nutty, conspiracy raving friend keeps sending you links from.
  10. Get organized this year by tossing all your possessions into 30-gallon black trash bags. They’re attractive, heap nicely into a gigantic pile, and plus, you’ll always know that whatever you’re looking for is in one of them.

That’s it!

Have a Happy New Year!