SEATTLE — With the announcement of a hotly controversial head tax on the wealthiest 3% of Seattle’s businesses, city lawmakers are reportedly overjoyed at the prospect of raising countless millions and not fixing their city’s burgeoning homelessness problem.
In a video posted to their Facebook page, a gleeful spokesman for the council said, “We are excited to announce that the money we fleece from Seattle’s top job-providers and put toward the issues homeless people face will ultimately amount to pretty much squat.”
The spokesman elaborated that despite the fact that “an immeasurable” amount of money had already been funneled to various solutions over the years, the only logical thing left to do now was to continue doing things the exact same way as before.
“Spending millions of dollars didn’t really do anything in the past, and we predict that spending millions more in the future won’t achieve anything either. Undoubtedly, this fruitless waste of taxpayer money is the result we are hoping for.”
At press time, the group had put forth a similar proposal designed to do absolutely nothing about Seattle’s traffic situation, all the while spending a lot of other peoples’ money doing it.