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Seattle City Council At Lowe's
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Seattle City Council Runs To Lowe’s To Repair Unhinged Members

SEATTLE — In a desperate bid to fix some of its increasingly unhinged members, the Seattle City Council made an emergency run to Lowe’s Saturday afternoon.

“Admittedly, most of us are seriously behind in even basic upkeep, with policies and voting records suffering greatly as a result. Some of us are looking pretty shabby, to be frank, having gone years without routine maintenance,” said council member Mike O’Brien, pausing to thoughtfully consider a brass bifold hinge halfway down the hardware aisle.

Concerns among the public over members’ various states of disrepair reached fever-pitch last week after the council voted 9-0 to approve the hotly controversial head tax on big businesses.

“My only qualm in this is that some of us aren’t all that handy. Ever tried repairing something and ending up with extra parts? That might be what happens here.”

As of this article’s publishing, one council member, after losing her screws some time ago, successfully tracked down a replacement set.