WASHINGTON, D.C. — Aiming to sooth the troubled minds of both their own constituents and the general populace, senators across the spectrum promised the nation Monday that reckless political grandstanding would resume in two, maybe three weeks, at most.
“We know that the stopgap budget we passed effectively pauses our normally ceaseless demagoguery, but rest assured that in just a short time, we’ll be back with more mind-numbing drivel than most people can handle,” said Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., adding that he hoped his fellow politicians would see additional opportunities to expel hot air by hampering the budgetary process well into February.
“The people we represent demand ostentatious, long-winded performances — it’s why they elect us over and over again. Obstructing the political process while blaming the other side for it is just a bonus.”
Schumer went on to say it was merely coincidental that filibustering drama tactics impressed wealthy donors to future reelection campaigns and presidential bids.