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Statewide Alert Issued For Missing Season Of Spring

OLYMPIA — Calling today’s record temperatures a gravely concerning development, authorities issued a statewide alert for the missing season of spring, hoping that at least one astute person might have a clue to its whereabouts.

“No one has seen or heard from the spring season in several days, and frankly, people just about everywhere are starting to get worried. It’s just not like spring to up and vanish like this, without even leaving a trace,” said State Trooper Warren Moss, pausing to wipe a few glistening beads of sweat from his forehead.

Moss noted that already freshly blossomed flowers were beginning to dry out and wilt from uncharacteristic heat levels.

“Those who love spring just want the season located safe and sound. So please, if you have any information, notify the nearest weather man immediately.”

At publishing time, rumors indicated that spring had been spotted several states to the east, possibly gallivanting about in South Dakota’s Doland area.

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