LYNNWOOD, Wash. — In an unbelievable display of unthinking prodigality, local thriftless fool Steven Wright reportedly tossed a perfectly good carton of expired milk into the trash Wednesday.
“Man, I just can’t see how this is worth keeping in my fridge,” said the wasteful simpleton, not even bothering to empty the jug before dropping it — still half-full and with its lid on — directly into the trash can, thereby ensuring it will never be consumed again.
“With how easy a quick trip to the grocery store down the road can be, it’s hard to justify letting old food take up valuable space in here. Out with the old and in with the new, I say.”
Reports indicate that the profligate halfwit, still recklessly intent on throwing out anything even slightly past its shelf life, had removed several bloated containers of yogurt for disposal.